But none of that really matters, because what I’ve experienced over the last 19 years has been haunting and I can’t even explain the regret I’ve lived with. I couldn’t walk down the baby section in the grocery store or Target. I’d start crying and couldn’t stop. a few years later, I would become friends with someone who had a child born a few days before mine should have been. I saw her son grow over the last 18 years. I see him in his cap and gown. Oh how I wished I could have seen mine!! I’d have flashbacks, and constantly replay the situation, wishing I could change ONE thing…the outcome. Before my abortion, I always thought that everyone was entitled to one “get out of jail free” card, so to speak. I didn’t realize that I would be putting myself in another type of prison for the rest of my life.

I’ve found forgiveness in Christ. I’m SO thankful for that healing. And for 10 years I’ve taught abortion healing and recovery class at my church. I have walked through the stories of many other women who made the choice of abortion. These women are all suffering also. The tears that have been shed could fill an ocean. I also volunteer in a pregnancy center where women come in and when they talk about past abortions, they also feel such pain. And while we can find forgiveness in Christ, there will always be the sadness when we think about the child or children that we killed.

Graduates of 2020, I pray that you will not make the same mistake that I did. I pray that if you find yourself in a situation where you are pregnant or someone you know is pregnant, and they are considering abortion, that you will not make the same choice that I made. I pray that you will stand up for this life and not murder your baby.

Reach out for help until you find someone. Don’t give up. And I’m here if you need me. Seriously.

And I’m sorry that I killed your classmate.

This is my baby, whom I named Jacob.